by Alex Biricik What if you could be whatever you want to be? What would you choose? What did you always feel is your position in this world? What if your dream is only one decision away? Too easy? Making decisions is often the complete opposite of being easy. But once they are made, they can give you inner peace, hope, energy, joy and a lot of motivation.
I will tell you a bit of my life to show you how decisions can decide about your life. Sure, you all know this, but my story is maybe a little... get your own opinion...
I was born as a child of a lonely raising mom, my father left us, when I wasn't born yet. My brothers raised me up, we are an intellectual family, so it was clear that I should follow this path. I started dancing at the age of 7, but I started to love it at the age of 13 when I discovered Oriental Dance for me. I was talented and became famous in a real short time. At the age of 14 I started to travel for shows, with 18 I had danced already in Turkey, Morocco and half Europe and taught in workshops starting with 16. I danced in Shows with the most honored artists such as Mona Said and Hasan Afifi, Gamal Seif, Momo Kadous and many more. This was the golden era for bellydance in Germany, we started to establish it, workshops were rare to find, as well as costumes. We were willing to take long ways for it. It was the time of analogue telephone, no Internet - Shows you got, you got because the audience loved you and you were recommended. It was the time of the big money in tips and the time where we mostly supported each other instead of making a competition of it. The time of enjoying the soft, slow and feminine movements, and surely a time that allowed any type of woman to be a dancer. So, I was very successful in dance and decided to go on on this path and not the one my family wanted for me. But then one day I was told, that if I wouldn't find a man to marry soon all men were away (family advice!), because everyone around me got married.... so, I (or my family?) had the dream of the perfect family, and decided to find someone, and I did. He was the complete opposite of me, but I thought it could work. Well, it didn't. He didn't like what I did, not the dance, nor my friends, but I didn't understand it to that point of time. I just accepted all things not to do that made me happy before, because he showed me another world, the "comfort" of having property and being a mother and housewife. But I understood one day that I was captured in a toxic relationship, depending financially because of the kids, so my excuses.... realizing that only being a mom and housewife couldn't give me what I needed.... I made my happiness depending on him. So, I wasn't happy anymore, I gave up everything and didn't know how to become back the person that I had been before. And I tried everything to make it work, but I was lost and also lost in a loveless relationship. But we have to be honest - it takes two for Tango!
I changed my position of complaining when I was dying- yes, I was dying. I suffered from a severe undiscovered sepsis and was brought back to life in the last moment. In this moment of dying, I felt the most loving peace and I forgave everything.
When on the next day I woke up, everyone happy that they had been surprisingly been able to save my life, my way back to life started - in several ways.
My brain was damaged, I lost big parts of memory and I was so weak that I wasn't able to walk without Rollator or help and even then, only few meters. My body was full of pain, I had wholes in my bones and my nerves had been damaged. I was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and had to take opioids against the pain, but I rejected them. They made me sleep 20 hours a day.
For me health issues have always been a message from the body. So, I asked myself: why did I get a Sepsis? What poisoned my life? Well, guess....
I knew I had to leave this toxic relationship and to take over responsibility for my life and my happiness. So, this was my decision.
But I was too weak... I needed help in my daily life.... After 8 months, I saw my chance in a Yoga teacher education. I followed an impulse. Noone could help me, they said I would probably have to live with my disfunctions. I didn't accept this. My inner compass said: do Yoga, and I did. I was able to find back step by step myself, to let go, to accept, to forgive again, and to trust my abilities, which I had been told the years before, wouldn't exist. I found the way back into a normal work and tried to start again with dance. At the beginning I felt ashamed because I seemed to be million miles away from what I could do before, and I thought I would never enter the stage again after three failures. But: I wanted to succeed, I wanted my life back, I wanted my self-confidence back. So, I started to work hard. For what others need 10 minutes I needed at the beginning days, because my memory and motoric skill didn't work like before. It needed hard training, patience and self-forgiveness to go through it. And when I had enough power to try to live on my own again, I did it - it was just one sentence: i will take my own apartment and leave you - and I found back my other strengths.
My children say today: Mom, you should have gone earlier....
Yes, but as a mom you take responsibility and sometimes you forget that this starts at your own, with selfcare and selflove...
I changed my life completely. And I made a so-called miracle come true:
I have now a regular job, but I could come back to my form, some years older, not like 20, but fitting for my own. I am not the dancer from before, but I am now completely myself! By this I won several awards, cooperate with YJ Productions, perform and teach in Egypt (Crazy nights Festival 2022), have cooperation with star musicians like Ramzy Labib, an extraordinary accordionist and a wonderful human being, to produce personal music and also Promo Videos for dancers. My daughter with her young age designs bellydance costumes by her own, highly professional, which we let produce in Cairo (feel free to contact). The income will be saved for her future and studies and is reputation for her when she applies for the faculty of fine arts.
And I cooperate with designers from Cairo and offer them in Germany. I teach Zoom and Live Workshops, am judge in competitions and spread the old spirit: Dance is root, its soul, its love, its connection, it's energy - and: it's for everyone, independent from heritage, age, figure, skin color, religion, sex... everyone has something to give.... everyone deserves respect.
You can reach everything you want. It is just one decision away. So, ask yourself: what do I want for my life? And then do the first step. Let nothing hold you back. You deserve to be you!